June « 2008 « The Blogg

June 7, 2008

What A Drag It Is Getting Old

Filed under: Personal — chadhogg @ 2:33 pm

Long, solitary, late-night drives are good for brooding. On Thursday I attended the high school graduation ceremony for my youngest sister. I recognized fewer than half of the faculty members, and almost all of the ones that I would have wanted to talk to had retired or moved on. While trying to pay attention to the ceremony, I could not help but to think back to my own graduation, and to the time I spent in that same school. Driving home, I passed the roads I would have turned on to visit old friends, and realized with a start that none of them would be there if I decided to stop.

I just turned 26 years old a week ago, and it already seems that every year flies by faster than the one before. People my age are parents; people my parents’ age are grandparents; people my grandparents’ age are dying. My own parents are struggling to figure out the new alignment of their lives now that their nest is completely emptying. My maternal grandfather is losing his hearing and memory and my maternal grandmother has become nearly immobile, while my paternal grandparents have both been dead several years.

My life right now is great, and I am looking forward to the next stage of life as well. At the same time, however, I would like to regress back to childhood and do it all over again. It is not that I have regrets, or at least no more than the average person, or that I would like to do things differently. Rather, I would simply like to do everything again, or to have different experiences in addition to those that I have had. In nearly every stage of my life I was in a hurry to move on to the next, but now it seems that none ever lasted long enough.

Mostly I miss my college years. While at Ursinus Rachel and I spent much more time together than we are now able to do as husband and wife. My closest friends were as far away as the bed in the other half of the room, the room across the hallway, or a building on the other side of campus, and everyday we worked together, ate together, and played together. There was work to be done, but most days are carefree.

Youth is indeed wasted on the young, and I at least never appreciated or desired it. Now I realize that in 10 years (that is, a blink of an eye), I’ll be looking back on my life now with a mixture of fondness and sadness that it is past. You would think that this would fill me with a sense of the importance of living every moment to the fullest, but I still find myself frittering away my spare time with naps and video games.

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